Posts Categorised: Puppies

In case I’ve forgotten to include the Puppy Optimized Operating Protocols (POOP) in the Puppy Packet, here’s a copy:

Dear Customer,

Congratulations on acquiring your Labrador. Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below.

Although your Labrador comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have problems with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.


Your Labrador is pre-installed with the highest software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love everyone chip, fun chip and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the Whatthehell operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.

Mode 1

This is the sleep mode, activated for the majority of the day as the Labrador ages. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can.

Mode 2

Anarchy. Although we have tried to ease the effects of Anarchy mode, it’s not always possible. There are inherent issues with the timer settings of Anarchy mode in regards to there being none. Should your Labrador suddenly go from comatose to running around the walls, we’re sorry, we cannot stop this feature.


Do not allow your Labrador to stay in the sun too long. if left unattended they recharge. Too much of a charge and Mode 2 can be activated without warning.

Energy consumption

This has been an ongoing issue as their energy consumption is too direct. We have tried to put baffles, non-return valves and diversions in place, but none seem to work adequately. Safe to say what goes in, comes out, in both solids and gas. The gas, although noxious, can only inhibit breathing of the owner for up to ten minutes.


We ask you not to try to open a Labrador’s zipper on their back as this will invalidate your one-hour warranty. Rumors that they are merely toddlers in a dog suit is highly contested.


Your Labrador comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own choosing. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:

  • Shithead
  • You’re kidding me
  • Is that yours?
  • Don’t you dare
  • Drop it
  • Asshole
  • Put that down
  • Get that out of your mouth

We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your Labrador. Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out. Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns…ever. It’s your problem now.

Should you have any questions you can reach us on 1-800-what-now.

Thank you.


This has been making the rounds for awhile now. I don’t know who wrote it, but it’s so cute, I had to share. If you are the author or know who is, please let me know so I can credit them.

Despite what some people might say, a LabraDoodle is a mutt. They’re not purebred. They’re not special.

It’s a marketing ploy. They slap a cute name on something (like “LabraDoodle”, “Puggle” or “Poochon”) and charge a high price to make you think it’s special or a “designer” breed.

What they are is a cross between a Poodle and some other breed, such as the Labrador Retriever.

Unfortunately when you cross two different breeds, you get a mish-mash of genes.

They don’t come out the same way each time. It’s unpredictable – looks, coat, behavior and health.

You might get a puppy that looks like a Lab, but acts like a Poodle. You might get a tall one or a short one.

It could have a coat that’s wiry or soft, or curly, wavy, or straight. Many doodles do shed and some need to be shaved every 6-8 weeks.

Owners are often surprised to find they are allergic to their dogs.

You may also get a puppy that inherited the genetic problems or diseases from BOTH breeds.

Or you might get poor temperament despite the docile Lab temperament that is often advertised.

Some LabraDoodles are high-strung (like Poodles can be) and may not be good with children.

They can also be needy and crave attention which makes them a poor choice if there is no one home during the day.

After paying 2-4 times the cost of a purebred Lab or Poodle, owners sometimes dump them at shelters. Too often it’s due to aggression towards children.

Because of the high price people are willing to pay, Doodles are the “breed” of choice for many puppy mills.

The man credited with creating them said he regrets introducing this mix-bred dog to the world. He was trying to breed a guide dog that was also hypoallergenic, but he failed over and over.

“I opened a Pandora’s box, that’s what I did. I released a Frankenstein. So many people are just breeding for the money. So many of these dogs have physical problems, and a lot of them are just crazy.”

If you still want a LabraDoodle, do your homework. Meet the breeder and the parents of the puppy you’re considering buying. Check temperament and trainability. Check for health certifications. When your puppy is old enough, enroll him in a Puppy Kindergarten class. It’s good for basic training and socialization.

We don’t breed LabraDoodles or any mix-bred dog. Nor will we sell a puppy to someone who wants to breed Doodles or any other mix-bred dog.

I Love My Little Puppy


I love my little puppy; she makes my house a home.
She is my very sweetest little friend; I never feel alone.
She makes me smile; she makes me laugh; she fills my heart with love.
Did someone breed her, or did she fall from above?

I’ve never been a breeder, never seen life through their eyes;
I hold my little puppy and just sit and criticize.
I’ve never known their anguish; I’ve never felt their pain,
The caring of their charges, through snow or wind or rain.

I’ve never waited the whole night through for babies to be born,
The stress and trepidation when they’re still not there by morn.
The weight of responsibility for this body in my hands,
This darling little baby, who weighs but 60 grams.

Should you do that instead of this … or maybe that was wrong?
Alone you fight and hope, one day, he’ll grow up proud and strong.
You pray he’ll live to bring great joy to someone else’s home.
You know it’s all just up to you; you’ll fight this fight alone.

Formula, bottles, heating pads, you’ve got to get this right,
Two-hour feedings for this tiny guy, throughout the day and night.
Within your heart you dread that you will surely lose this fight,
To save this little baby, but God willing … you just MIGHT.

Day one, he’s in there fighting; you say a silent prayer.
Day two & three, he’s doing well, with lots of love and care.
Day four & five … he’s still alive; your hopes soar to the heavens.
Day six, he slips away again, dies in your hands, day seven.

You take this tiny angel, and bury him alone.
With aching heart and burning tears, and an exhausted groan,
You ask yourself, “Why do this? … Why suffer through this pain?”
Yet watch the joy your puppies bring, and everything’s explained.

So, when you think of breeders and label them with “Greed,”
Think of all that they endure to fill another’s need.
For when you buy your puppy, with your precious dollars part,
You only pay with money … while they pay with all their heart.

— Author Unknown

(Reprinted from The Labrador Retriever Quarterly News. Please let me know if you are the author or know who wrote it. We’d like to give credit, where credit is due.)

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